December Is a Test

I did not study

I gave the bear a bow tie and pretended that meant I understood the assignment

I traded the bike everything mindset for the Holiday Fantasy Protocol and, for a minute, it worked. Mr. Bear got a formal bow tie. The living room slipped into a Studio Ghibli fever dream. The tree quietly flexed with a wooden bike ornament from Ogden, Utah, a reminder that even under glitter I still want dirt under my tires. We sat in the glow of a 4K fireplace, convinced we had cracked the code on being normal holiday people.

We achieved peak holiday calm by outsourcing warmth to a television

Then came the Gift Giving Gauntlet. The fantasy snapped the second I realized the perfect gift for snuggles was not a Shark robot vacuum. The nutcracker judged me from the table. Blue judged me harder, staring at a Christmas card like he had clearly asked for premium tuna, not a flat version of himself. Every suggestion required effort and love. I felt like the Grinch with better WiFi, scrolling, sighing, wondering if I could just gift everyone a Shared Prompt and call it a day.

Holiday roles assigned: I overthought it, blue judged it, the nutcracker enforced it.

So I regrouped. Small, meaningful gifts. Strategic retreat to Helena. A weird cottage with floors that had opinions and beds everywhere except where a couch should be. We did the soak, the eats, the walks. Performance Square. Readers Alley. The street everyone walks on. It landed as the Season of Peace. Nature, of course, wanted the last word. Snowstorm. Mount Helena hike to a rock. Sub zero temps. Then home, the warm up, the familiar weather whiplash.

We left the cabin festive, got humbled downtown, and finished being audited by a mountain.

Right as we rested, a falcon fell out of the sky like a feathered missile and executed the food chain with surgical focus. No carols, no tinsel, just KPIs getting hit. It was the cleanest reminder of the whole trip. While we worry about bow ties and fonts, life keeps moving with purpose.

Peace is what you call it right before nature reminds you the meeting was never about you.