More please

I took a early lunch to talk on the phone about an opportunity in Bozeman. Something was offered and I turned it down. As I grasped for confidence I looked down at my feet. Tattered shoes dangling from ragged pant legs. The only decent piece of clothing

I took a early lunch to talk on the phone about an opportunity in Bozeman. Something was offered and I turned it down. As I grasped for confidence I looked down at my feet. Tattered shoes dangling from ragged pant legs. The only decent piece of clothing was the socks which I get an endless supply of as a racer. Collectively it gave me a reason to ask for more. I need more, more then just being able to eat. I need to buy pants for gods sake. The conversation ended and my status is right back in "limbo". 

Yesterday I attempted a climb up University Mountain via foot. My body just was in total anger mode. I was so winded I felt like passing out. When I attempted to run I felt like a penguin trying to fly. I just didn't feel comfortable in my own body. I felt like I should be home watching Deadliest Catch or something.

Even if I was not in running shape and felt out of place I DID fit into the environment just fine. The outdoors ... the woods ... it was all still the same comfortable place. The same beautiful, the same fresh air. It was the same great trail and the same great view.  This is why I work out ... mostly ... but then there is more to it.

I work out to tear myself down. No, not because I am a masochist, I didn't want to feel like shit last night. Because when I build it all back up again it feels a lot better then when I started. It is mostly how life works. But it all starts with wanting more.